recently I have been letting some friends in on a struggle I face by not being able to see. For those of you reading this with vision which will probably be most of you I suggest that you look at this post as a metaphor because there are other things that disable us from seeing other than the malfunction of the eye balls on each side of your nose.
To get the most out of this post I would suggest to think about how you may be blind. It could come in the form of an addiction, codependency, unhealthy emotions, fear, denial, guilt, or just plainly not able to see love.
now back to what I was telling my friends.. I have been expressing the difficulty I have finding a girl and friends. I would like to think it is not because I smell funny or dress weird, I have been working on both, but it is because I can not see them. like practically can not see what a girl looks like or see if there is somebody standing by themselves to go talk too. I don’t have that ability to use that first impression of my eyes to decide whether a person is in the vicinity that I want to talk to.
Telling my friends was a big step for me because I tend to want to be perceived and treated as a sighted person. I am sure it does not take a specialist to label this as denial, so yay me I accepted I need help.
I jokingly say to my friends I need a wingman. you know to tell me if the girl next to me is cute and not married or if there is a friend around that I know. After kidding about it enough I realized it is a serious need to have somebody by your side. if you are keeping up with the metaphor in your own situation I would like to ask you what would you like your wingman to support you in?
now going back to the frustration I observed when I think about finding a special someone. It is often frustrating because first off I can not use my first instincts from sight to tell how old the person might be, then on top of that I can not tell if they are somebody I am physically attracted too, then on top of that I can tell if they have a ring on their finger or if they are with somebody. a couple of times after I had finished sorting through my feelings I realized that I try to make myself feel better by saying this is going to take an act of god to find somebody to be with or to find new people to meet. just recently I realized; of course dummy it has to be the will of god for it to happen. “All good and perfect things come from your heavenly father”, somewhere in scripture. The will of god I would presume leads to freedom.
I have been sitting on this for a few weeks and something finally clicked with me on this idea and I think it speaks volume’s to the freedom that is found in connecting with the father as his beloved child. This fantastic idea is that opportunity is freedom. unfortunately I can not take full credit for this because it was my friend Chris Ward that helped me see that this is often what we are missing. this is what I was missing from the story above and what keeps many of us entrapped in a struggle. opportunity is invitation, it is a step of courage, it is putting fear aside. This is why AA is so successful and a wingman leads to more adequate attempts to find Miss or Mr. Right. When we have somebody to walk with us and to relate with us opportunity comes much easier. When we see options, when we feel empowered, when we have somebody that has our back failure or succession’ we come to find freedom. the way Chris did this was by asking me how as a friend he could come alongside me and support me as somebody that does not see well. he not only did that but he asked me how my friends in the past had done it and what I would like in the future. This is an important thing to keep in mind when approaching somebody to support them because you do not know what they want or need, but are just somebody that is facilitating an opportunity and to do that you need to truly know the person. There is a big difference between saying I am going to go bless that person and I want to know how I can bless that person. One comes with a savior complex and the other comes with humility.
I would say that the common idea is that freedom comes from choice, but I do not think that is all of it. there is something more than just choice. There is invitation, there is opportunity, there is acceptance. When opportunity is provided either divinely or intrapersonally we are able to return to our created state and that is freeing.
How can you provide opportunity for somebody?