A reassessment on being real: 5 ways to move towards authenticity

be real, be real son

about a year ago I wrote on this phrase and what it meant to be real. my goal was to encourage others to be real in efforts to try to build authenticity. I felt it was Ernest and honest, but what I have now realized is that my efforts were outward focused instead of focusing inward where the real value in transformation is. I have come to believe strongly that we must have inward transformation before transformation takes place outwardly. integrity must take place inwardly before it can be seen outwardly” Peter Scazzero
being real is not something that we should put priority on in expressing outwardly unless first we have been real with ourselves. there is a difference between processing authentically and putting on a front when expressing yourself. one comes from a place of saying I am unsure what is happening and I am still trying to figure it out and the other comes from a place of I got this I know who I am. don’t get me wrong it is great if you know who you are and you have the freedom to express that, but make sure it is authentic because if it is not then it can be noticed from a mile away.
I have realized that I thought I knew who I was but I was not really living as that person. this can get really confusing , so I will make it simple. I thought and believed I was a beloved child of god, but my real beliefs about myself were what I was living in. I guess you can say it was a convergence of walking the walk and talking the talk. authenticity was not what I was living in. I was trying, aiming, and saying I was this particular identity but that really was not me because it had not taken place inwardly. it was just something that I understood and wanted to try to live outwardly.

I think it would be valuable to share what I have learned, so here are 5 things to help us be real in an authentic way.
1 acknowledge your feelings and emotions. you were created with these for a reason so the more we ignore them the more we cover up who we really are. The more we dive into them the easier it will be to connect with the place of peace and joy
2 observe your feelings and emotions. this one is similar to the previous but a little bit different because observing means there is no judgement or action taken. it just looks like, hmm that’s interesting I am reacting that way
3 ask why. this is so uncomfortable, but so necessary. why am I feeling this way why are these emotions being stirred what is causing this reaction; are all healthy responses. Emotions can not be separated from your spirit and if you let them they will let you back to your creator.
4 dive into your past. our past defines us in so many ways and often it is the hurt and pain that are used to shape us. The goal is to understand the hurt and the painful experiences and come to terms with them, so that we can accept what has happened to us, who we are and who we can become. This is the essential part because this is the part that will allow us to flourish into our true identity, the beloved child, the sis our authentic self.
5 ask others what they observe and what they think. it is said we are our own worst critique, so let’s allow others to help us with some helpful observations of how you could love yourself better and love others better and become more authentic.

the season of life I am in right now has me in a difficult and grueling time. I have been humbled by it and been shown the hardness of my heart and the poverty of my spirit. I want the foundation of my life built on truth found in love, but that is not easy, in fact I was told there will be much suffering. I was walking by what sounded good for the longest time and if you are walking blindly that is a recipe for disaster, so, now, I am trying to blindly walk with faith.

Can i be real? Ya be real, be real real

We are taught as little kids that hide and seek is a great game to play as a pass time, but what I have realized is that we have internalized  that game with who we are. we hide ourselves behind facets that detour the direct resemblance of our heart. we always hear about drugs and alcohol  and even adultery as the go to things to describe this illusive behavior. in the beginning these things may be used in a manner to try to find out who we are. we hide behind many things  in our pursuit to find out who we are. our societal and cultural norms have promoted us to hide in fashion, body image, career, luxury and many other things. for me it was my relationship status, acceptance by peers and maintaining my work levels  to a standard that was made by others. this may not be too different from any other twenty something year old that is going through college, but that is just it. People see it as a small issue and it is not. when real authenticity of who we are is what we have wanted all along but we are not getting what we want and I will even argue need.

So how do we find real authenticity, well that has to come from relational experience, but first you have to be real with somebody else. As Cali Swag says in teach me how to dougie “you do you and imma do me,” so the question is left how are you going to do you. the real you the authentic you. for me I am writing this in hindsight so I can see what has helped me to see what had helped me worked towards being real and authentic. 

1.  See your heart 

Our hearts are deceitful  and misleading and knowing that about your own personal heart allows you to look at each particular situation from a place that requires you to look at your intentions  and motives.

2. Having others around that see you for you 

As I was sorting through this  self-emergence I had a dear friend ask me important questions and challenging characteristics of my identity. sometimes it takes another person to realize who you truly are and they can help the process. relationships with other humans, and maybe some times dogs, can be a mirror that reflects back to us who we are and give us helpful insight

 3. Attacking the lies

Finding objective truth is something hard to take on in this post, so I’ll save that one for a different time but there are lies that we believe that are not true. these lies trick us into believing that we are not worthy or that we are not valued so we try to make ourselves worth something. by creating  that illusion of worthiness we create a mask that we hide behind and make that search for authenticity that much harder. It is much easier to be real when you know what is true about yourself.

4. View through the lens of brokenness

We as humans have a tendency to not look at our faults or downfalls which leads to the mindset that we are good and we start to believe that we are inherently good. in acknowledging our brokenness we are able to take the position of humility and see that our hearts are not as good as we think they are, but it starts with seeing ourselves as broken. 

Being real and authentic is tough and is hard to do. I do not claim to know everything about it but I am here to share my experience as I continue to grow deeper in my authenticity. one thing that I do notice when I come into contact with authentic folks is that it seems they know something about themselves. I am not talking about that they are a good student or that they have memorized every lyric off the Beatles sergeant pepper album, but that they know they are loved. it’s not that I ask them if they know they are loved, but I can sense it in how free they are. They know what is true about themselves and they do not need to seek anymore. They know they are found.so I’ll  leave you with a question what is holding you back from being authentic?

Remember: “be real, be real real”( unknown)