Lessons on this year from me to you

At the beginning of the year I got a vision of this year and it was summarized by the word waiting. Waiting is so hard for people. There is something inside of us that is unsettled by a mystery. I think it is this unsettled feeling that actually drives us further into the mystery. There is a tension of wanting to know and not yet being able to know, so we tell the hurrying mind to have patience.
Here are 10 lessons I learned this year
1 patience
2 work on yourself
3 stability is important
4 saying no
5 gotta keep the feet moving
6 smile
7 waiting is a grind so grind
8 embrace the challenge
9vision is a powerful thing
10there is hope

Read on if you want to learn beyond the encouraging affirmations, if you don’t then your life will never be the same!
Not really, but if you want to learn about the ways I found these lessons applicable his past year then I think you will be grateful.

I like to say that patience is not a stationary activity, but takes much action. Patience is a perspective. Being patient is the occupation of doing an activity while waiting for the promise of what is to come. I have known what is going to come in this upcoming year and in the future. I still believe those promises will happen, but patience is needed to allow those things to happen in their time. Everything has its moment and we need to let the moment be the moment. The important lesson about patience is not about the perseverance of getting to the goal, but what you do in the meantime. The reaching of the goal does not build character it is the journey in-between.
2 work on yourself
So often this year, I caught myself saying “the work after the 9-5 is harder than the 9-5 work”. We spend our lives doing other people’s work and rarely take the time to do our own work. I have come to incorporate the belief that what is happening inside will happen outside, so if we want change, if we want greatness, if we want love then we have to know it our self first. This goes for forgiveness, grace, peace, joy, and purpose. To quote an artist I listen to on repeat this year, “we have to give it to get it and we have to get it to give” Shad. Ways to do this is by entering into the area outside your comfort zone; incorporate a coach or counselor; somebody that can mentor you and process areas that you want to improve in your life. Remember what is on the inside comes out
3 stability is important
Stability looks different for different folks. For some it is just a bed to lay at night and others it is a safe and calm home to return to. Take time to understand what stability looks like for you. This goes beyond the recharge for introvert/ extrovert. It is the place where you can come back to, that will constantly be there, it is the consistent reliance. It is the floating platform that you can climb onto when you get tired of swimming.
4 say no
When you say no you are actually saying yes, you are just saying yes to what you are prioritizing. We need to know what is important to us so we know what to say no too. The more we say no the more we make room for what we value. What is taking our time, our heart, our passion; more than it should be. Is it Facebook, is it TV, is it a particular food, is it a toxic relationship; I challenge you to say no to one thing to kick off the year, not as a resolution, but something to be mindful about.
5 gotta keep the feet moving
”putting the feet in motion is the magic potion to healing emotion” the mental and emotional have a great connection with the physical body. We have been taught that mind over matter is the way to fix things, but this is not the most effective or productive. To fix things we need to learn and grow, to do this we need to move and take action. This is a slow change into a big change, do something different, help out at an organization, start a community group, exercise; just got to put the feet in motion to heal emotion. The heart will pick up on the forward progress and start to heal and grow.
6 smile
This is something I did not do too much of before this year. When the smile came out it was contagious, but it was often hidden. I now see that guy. My mentor was encouraging a group of guys and he was telling them how he looks in the mirror and asks the person in the mirror do you see that guy? That guy is awesome and you know that one weird person that walks behind you in the mirror while you are talking to it, you say to them hey you see that guy in the mirror, that guy is awesome, that guy is “The Guy”!
This is the spiritual meeting the physical and the smile is the physical meeting the spiritual. When you smile you are connecting with others and you are connecting with the higher power that provides all good and loving things. I have never been one to force people to do something, but I would strongly suggest to force yourself to smile and watch the change. You will have to be mindful of it because the smile come and goes; the trick will be to keep it there as long as possible. Remember you are that guy and you are that girl; you have power.
Note: see how this connects with the previous lesson
7 waiting is a grind so grind
There is no preparation like preparation. Not sure if that is true, but it sounds good. Waiting does not call for us to be still, you are not in line with your mom at the grocery store. Waiting is a season; it could be long or short, but make the best of it. There is always an inevitable something after waiting; the question is you going to be ready for the next season, the next phase, the next step. You have a gift for the world, so be ready and prepared to share it, the time is going to be here soon.
8 embrace the challenge
Remember before about what happens outwardly reflects what is happening inwardly, well this truth is possibly greatest piece of wisdom I have. What we accept in our self is what we will accept in others, what we judge others in reflects how we judge our self. Challenges will always be there it is just what you do with them. The American dream is set in pursuing comfort, relaxation, and this false notion of peace and happiness; as if it is something that can be grasped and achieved. challenges will always be there, so embrace them, see them as a learning tool, talk with them and invite them for a cup of tea, sorry I just started drinking coffee so I am not comfortable saying a cup of coffee.
9 visions is a powerful thing
You do not need sight to see. In the great words of the latest star wars movie, “I am the force and the force is with me”. I am not a star wars fanatic, but the words of the blind guy in the movie are too important to not share. An old Hebrew man name Paul said he did not walk by sight; to me this meant he walked using feeling, and memories, and help, and the belief that one foot in front of another will get him to his destination. We can have the biggest dreams and the plan of all plans, but unless we are using our feelings, connecting with our resources, and consistently putting one foot in front of another then vision is purposeless, but there is power in having vision. If you can see even if you do not have sight, then walking in your purpose and what is meant for you will be clear, not easy, but clear. That clarity will allow you to drive forward on that vision more and more each day.
10 there is hope
advocating, standing up for the vulnerable and oppressed, having integrity, seeking a heart of compassion, and being love is much harder than reaching any goal or achievement. The reason there is hope is because from each of these growing experiences there is a character that will be shaped and look like no other. The reason I have hope is because I can see the past and see the character that has been developed and there is no shame in that character. There is hope because we can look forward and know that things will not stay the same. There is hope, as glimmering as it may be, that change will come and tomorrow will be better, tomorrow will be the day you will make it if you induce it with your hope.

Looking back over this year I do not see anything great, but dang this year was great. These lessons are divine, they are powerful, they are important. I am not tooting my horn I have just come to embrace who I am and when that happens there is a power that allows you to embrace what you do with such amazement. There has been nothing that has been physically produced, but the roots that were watered from the trials of this past year are so rich and strong. A master story teller once told me you have a choice to get bitter or get better and I choose better. It is a choice each and every day, some are harder than others, but that is ok.
To be a speaker of any sorts, which I think I am because I am writing this, I have learned that much silence is needed to speak. It is essential to listen to all the things going on around and in, to hear the words that actually need to be said. I take much humility in the way you let me speak into your life even if this is the first time.
I want you to be able to make the change that I have been able to see, so along with 10 lessons I am going to give you 10 things to practically do to make this next year a great one.
1 make time for silence
Start where I left off, silence is essential. It is the quieting of all the voices and inputs going on around you so you can listen clearly.
2 find a mentor
Find somebody older or that has experiences that you admire and learn from them. Find opportunities where they can speak into your life by being of service to them or just being around them. This is more than coffee dates!
3 figure out your priorities and values
This is essential to spend your time on this earth in the most meaningful way possible. Who does not want to do this?
4 feel good
Figure out what makes you excited and makes you feel good. Do more of this by any means necessary.
5 invest in yourself
Look for an area you want to grow in, a way that life would be better, and invest in that area. An online course, a retreat, a tool or gadget that would allow you to pursue a passion.
6 dive into discomfort
This was hard to put on the list, but it is important. If you are learning to be a runner then push yourself extra hard the last 10 percent of each run. You always have more than you think you have.
7 make connections
It is important to meet new people, but it is also important to know and step into area’s that you are interested in expanding into.
8 get counseling
Figuring out why we do the things we do is really important
9 get creative
Find something that stirs your mind and allows you to think between the different intersections of life
10 seek advice
More important than knowing why we do the things we do is the how to do the things we want to do. This we need to ask for advice and help. It is something we all need a bit more of.

At the end of this I do not want you to feel like you are out of ideas or change is too far away. It does not have to be big and glorious, it just has to be one step at a time, and one beat at a time; that is how the heart grows.
If you are feeling lost or want someone to coach you through something let me know. It may be something I can help you with if not I probably have someone in my tribe ready to help. I am always willing to answer questions and give tips

This was way longer than I intended, but if you read to this point I hope it was useful for you. At this end of this year I am grateful that I have the ability to speak into your life, share in common human experiences, and inspire you to make great and magnificent changes in your life.
This next year I have many goals and exciting things I am looking forward to accomplishing. They will be exciting so I hope you stay with me in the journey. There is something in the works about a podcast, and maybe a book.
As always I am here to coach you to clarity for your vision; if you are not clear you will confuse and if you confuse then you lose
Keep putting one foot in front of another, you got this friend.
Grace and peace to you

understanding the privileges of life coaching

We need to talk about privilege
I have somethings to admit and let you in on. This idea of restoring vision is somewhat pretentious. What I mean by that is that it is quite assuming of our social position. Jus the basic level that I have the time to write, coach, and think about restoration, passion, and vision is a privilege. I am not saying this is not work and I am not doing my part in the world, but there are some privileges that have gone unrecognized. If restoration is going to be practiced and utilized in its full capacity then the privileges will have to be recognized, considered, and adapted into the plan of reaching and teaching. Here are 5 privileges that we need to be aware of when restoring passion to pursue our vision from the perspective of the coach.
1. Free time and money
Time is money and money is time. As a coach there is an assumption that you have the time to absorb the information I have to give and the process is trustworthy enough to take your time and money. If I think of somebody that is economically disadvantaged, racially disenfranchised, or under resourced by any other means; I probably do not think they would be able to financially afford the investment to pay for coaching to pursue their dreams, their passion, and their one true desire. Most working class people can not afford coaching programs like this because they are so expensive. Often times in the entrepreneur world I hear this being talked about as a “target audience”. If the population of people does not fit your goal than that is not your audience, is what I hear, and that sucks for a large chunk of the population that gets left out.
The privilege is that I can financially afford the time to think, process, and teach these coaching programs
Within this same presumption is the presumption of time. It is one thing to financially be able to afford it, but can you afford it with your time. When people are under resourced they often spend their time working 2 or 3 jobs to get by, maybe providing for a family, just to get through each day. No big dream pursuits, no ambitions to create the next nonprofit that changes the world, just the drive to take care of themselves and their family to make sure there is food and a roof over their heads. Yes there are dreams of things that would be nice, but dreaming about nice is not too wise. My privilege is that I can speak to people that have time to think about the big picture vision of life, coach them to their goals, and to figure out ways to not be held back by everyday struggles and responsibilities. Sometimes I look up to this way of life; it has dedication to family and faithful work. The simplicity of it is envious from the outside, but we can not assume that their struggle is any different than ours because we all have the same amount of hours, but different resources that display our privilege for opportunities.
2. Coaching will do it
I think as a coach, I as well as many other coaches think we have what it takes to get you to your goal. coaches that try to promote how well rounded their research is , which is in-turn their practice, without listening and investing in the person first; is that it comes off as narrow minded. It assumes that the only thing holding the person back from their manifest destiny is themselves. I believe this is true, but not all the time. Coach’s talk about it is how you organize your life and figure out your priorities. I do believe everyone can benefit from a coach, but a coach will not get everybody to their goals. Sometimes there needs to be training, a tool developed to cross a physical barrier, and the most restrictive and frustrating limitation of being lawfully or culturally segregated so opportunities are not available
This reminds me of the cool Runnings story. The Kenyan bobsled team and how unlikely this group of 4 Kenyan men from Africa would make it to the Olympics in an ice bobsledding competition. It hurts when this presumption is racially bias and we discount people based on what we think their capabilities are based on their race. The Kenyan bobsled team had to overcome this in their journey to the Olympics. Coaches can only do so much. They can not make the goal happen, the dream come true, or the restrictions disappear. The coach can guide, a guide is helpful, but guidance is only responsibility a coach can fill. We would be foolish to think there is more a coach can do. Let’s embrace our privilege of being a guide and be realistic with what our help is as a coach.
3. Vision is everything
As much as this is something I promote and believe in, it just is not true. Some will say there needs to be a decision. You need to decide that you want change before change actually happens. Without turning this in a chicken before the egg standoff I want to emphasis that vision is important and is a turning point, but there are many other vital impacts that affect your ability to move forward. I have the privilege of talking about vision because it is an all-encompassing aspect that I can use to speaking to various avenues of change. Vision is almost a synonym for belief, identity, social change, and goal setting because it speaks into each of those areas.
The most common way that this privilege gets portrayed is by people saying things like just imagine your dream and let that guide you and be your power, or you need a vision of your goals before you can go pursue them. These things sound good but they are not exactly true in the simple sense they are being portrayed. Yes you need to have an idea, but making vision the focal point is not necessary and comes from a place of privilege. For most people, just putting one foot in front of another is hard enough, so I do think vision is important, but when we put it in front of decision making and taking action the priority gets messed up. In the coaching world vision helps you to dream and think in the big picture. Seeing life in the big picture is a privilege for most because the small picture of essential task does not bury them so they have the privilege of having the ability to dream.

4. Speaking from an a-historic perspective
A-historic means that the present is only view through the lens of the present. When folks look for a coach they are usually looking to get over a hurdle to accomplish a goal or just get life straightened out to pursue something richer and fuller. Most take the perspective of what is your goal, where are you at now and what do we need to do to get there. Unfortunately this will lead to burn out and disappointment in the long term. This framework only works for so long. When looking at the future the past needs to be incorporated to work in the present. The most powerful journeys of transformation are the ones that dive in the past and are determined to reconcile with it and not repeat it.
It is the nature of coaches and counselors alike to stay focus on the present and meet you where you are at. I understand the frustration of going to a doctor, a therapist, or a coach and spending an hour on the history when they did not even use the information or even more frustrating when they do not use your history and just guess about the condition and the solution. It takes the dignity and humanity out of the person. The privilege is being the one in control because the coach, counselor, doctor, or whatever is the one getting paid. If somebody says they take a holistic approach make sure they take a full holistic approach that includes the past because it is important to listen to the whole person.
5. Not everybody wants to change, change is not for everybody
This is the hardest one for me to grasp. For me this goes beyond my practice of coaching and into my personal values. I believe everyone has the ability to change, but the reality is that not everyone wants it to happen. The desire has the meet the ability. This is frustrating because potential is left on the table when a fuller more abundant life is possible. Coaches promote change and make money off of change. They are in the results business, so if the customer does not notice or feel the change in their life then business will die, so there is in an invested interest in change. The ability will always be there, but the desire is the one that is always in question. It is a privilege to always be in the mindset to pursue change. For the majority of people they have to just rely on their abilities to get by in life and take care of the priorities of putting food on the table and maintaining a roof overhead. I ask many people what their passion/desire/ dream is and many of them do not know, not so much because they have not dream, but because their dreams have been limited to their abilities. So the dream is to be the best mom, just to be happy and a good person, to have a good family, to love and care for my children. For most of us our abilities have pushed down a path and the path is not something that we consciously choose. Some people work on just being present with what they have, which is a dead end for a coach because there is nothing more abundant than be grateful and present with what you value.

The only question I will leave you with is do you like what you value or is there something more that you want for life?
I find it important to recognize privileges so that we do not take things for granted. I believe this practice has helped me be more compassionate and allowed me to walk the extra mile in the other person’s shoes.
If you have a coach, share this with them and see what they think
If you do not have a coach let these questions set in a see if any of these hold you back from having a coach.
There are people out there that are willing to lessen their privilege, so that you can have the ability to pursue your desires and dreams.
You are powerful where ever you are and I hope you are able to find abundance where ever you are at.