understanding the privileges of life coaching

We need to talk about privilege
I have somethings to admit and let you in on. This idea of restoring vision is somewhat pretentious. What I mean by that is that it is quite assuming of our social position. Jus the basic level that I have the time to write, coach, and think about restoration, passion, and vision is a privilege. I am not saying this is not work and I am not doing my part in the world, but there are some privileges that have gone unrecognized. If restoration is going to be practiced and utilized in its full capacity then the privileges will have to be recognized, considered, and adapted into the plan of reaching and teaching. Here are 5 privileges that we need to be aware of when restoring passion to pursue our vision from the perspective of the coach.
1. Free time and money
Time is money and money is time. As a coach there is an assumption that you have the time to absorb the information I have to give and the process is trustworthy enough to take your time and money. If I think of somebody that is economically disadvantaged, racially disenfranchised, or under resourced by any other means; I probably do not think they would be able to financially afford the investment to pay for coaching to pursue their dreams, their passion, and their one true desire. Most working class people can not afford coaching programs like this because they are so expensive. Often times in the entrepreneur world I hear this being talked about as a “target audience”. If the population of people does not fit your goal than that is not your audience, is what I hear, and that sucks for a large chunk of the population that gets left out.
The privilege is that I can financially afford the time to think, process, and teach these coaching programs
Within this same presumption is the presumption of time. It is one thing to financially be able to afford it, but can you afford it with your time. When people are under resourced they often spend their time working 2 or 3 jobs to get by, maybe providing for a family, just to get through each day. No big dream pursuits, no ambitions to create the next nonprofit that changes the world, just the drive to take care of themselves and their family to make sure there is food and a roof over their heads. Yes there are dreams of things that would be nice, but dreaming about nice is not too wise. My privilege is that I can speak to people that have time to think about the big picture vision of life, coach them to their goals, and to figure out ways to not be held back by everyday struggles and responsibilities. Sometimes I look up to this way of life; it has dedication to family and faithful work. The simplicity of it is envious from the outside, but we can not assume that their struggle is any different than ours because we all have the same amount of hours, but different resources that display our privilege for opportunities.
2. Coaching will do it
I think as a coach, I as well as many other coaches think we have what it takes to get you to your goal. coaches that try to promote how well rounded their research is , which is in-turn their practice, without listening and investing in the person first; is that it comes off as narrow minded. It assumes that the only thing holding the person back from their manifest destiny is themselves. I believe this is true, but not all the time. Coach’s talk about it is how you organize your life and figure out your priorities. I do believe everyone can benefit from a coach, but a coach will not get everybody to their goals. Sometimes there needs to be training, a tool developed to cross a physical barrier, and the most restrictive and frustrating limitation of being lawfully or culturally segregated so opportunities are not available
This reminds me of the cool Runnings story. The Kenyan bobsled team and how unlikely this group of 4 Kenyan men from Africa would make it to the Olympics in an ice bobsledding competition. It hurts when this presumption is racially bias and we discount people based on what we think their capabilities are based on their race. The Kenyan bobsled team had to overcome this in their journey to the Olympics. Coaches can only do so much. They can not make the goal happen, the dream come true, or the restrictions disappear. The coach can guide, a guide is helpful, but guidance is only responsibility a coach can fill. We would be foolish to think there is more a coach can do. Let’s embrace our privilege of being a guide and be realistic with what our help is as a coach.
3. Vision is everything
As much as this is something I promote and believe in, it just is not true. Some will say there needs to be a decision. You need to decide that you want change before change actually happens. Without turning this in a chicken before the egg standoff I want to emphasis that vision is important and is a turning point, but there are many other vital impacts that affect your ability to move forward. I have the privilege of talking about vision because it is an all-encompassing aspect that I can use to speaking to various avenues of change. Vision is almost a synonym for belief, identity, social change, and goal setting because it speaks into each of those areas.
The most common way that this privilege gets portrayed is by people saying things like just imagine your dream and let that guide you and be your power, or you need a vision of your goals before you can go pursue them. These things sound good but they are not exactly true in the simple sense they are being portrayed. Yes you need to have an idea, but making vision the focal point is not necessary and comes from a place of privilege. For most people, just putting one foot in front of another is hard enough, so I do think vision is important, but when we put it in front of decision making and taking action the priority gets messed up. In the coaching world vision helps you to dream and think in the big picture. Seeing life in the big picture is a privilege for most because the small picture of essential task does not bury them so they have the privilege of having the ability to dream.

4. Speaking from an a-historic perspective
A-historic means that the present is only view through the lens of the present. When folks look for a coach they are usually looking to get over a hurdle to accomplish a goal or just get life straightened out to pursue something richer and fuller. Most take the perspective of what is your goal, where are you at now and what do we need to do to get there. Unfortunately this will lead to burn out and disappointment in the long term. This framework only works for so long. When looking at the future the past needs to be incorporated to work in the present. The most powerful journeys of transformation are the ones that dive in the past and are determined to reconcile with it and not repeat it.
It is the nature of coaches and counselors alike to stay focus on the present and meet you where you are at. I understand the frustration of going to a doctor, a therapist, or a coach and spending an hour on the history when they did not even use the information or even more frustrating when they do not use your history and just guess about the condition and the solution. It takes the dignity and humanity out of the person. The privilege is being the one in control because the coach, counselor, doctor, or whatever is the one getting paid. If somebody says they take a holistic approach make sure they take a full holistic approach that includes the past because it is important to listen to the whole person.
5. Not everybody wants to change, change is not for everybody
This is the hardest one for me to grasp. For me this goes beyond my practice of coaching and into my personal values. I believe everyone has the ability to change, but the reality is that not everyone wants it to happen. The desire has the meet the ability. This is frustrating because potential is left on the table when a fuller more abundant life is possible. Coaches promote change and make money off of change. They are in the results business, so if the customer does not notice or feel the change in their life then business will die, so there is in an invested interest in change. The ability will always be there, but the desire is the one that is always in question. It is a privilege to always be in the mindset to pursue change. For the majority of people they have to just rely on their abilities to get by in life and take care of the priorities of putting food on the table and maintaining a roof overhead. I ask many people what their passion/desire/ dream is and many of them do not know, not so much because they have not dream, but because their dreams have been limited to their abilities. So the dream is to be the best mom, just to be happy and a good person, to have a good family, to love and care for my children. For most of us our abilities have pushed down a path and the path is not something that we consciously choose. Some people work on just being present with what they have, which is a dead end for a coach because there is nothing more abundant than be grateful and present with what you value.

The only question I will leave you with is do you like what you value or is there something more that you want for life?
I find it important to recognize privileges so that we do not take things for granted. I believe this practice has helped me be more compassionate and allowed me to walk the extra mile in the other person’s shoes.
If you have a coach, share this with them and see what they think
If you do not have a coach let these questions set in a see if any of these hold you back from having a coach.
There are people out there that are willing to lessen their privilege, so that you can have the ability to pursue your desires and dreams.
You are powerful where ever you are and I hope you are able to find abundance where ever you are at.

what we need to know about the vision of our dream

What is vision and why does it need to be restored?

I would like to say something definite and fancy like if you do not have vision then you do not have anything, but is not true. We can walk and act without a vision, at least a grand vision.
A vision is a big picture goal or an imagination of an activity that has yet to take place. Vision can be small which leads to small victories, but also they can be big which are usually planted in living out a particular value or belief.
When we talk about restoring vision we are talking about restoring a possibility, an identity, or perspective. We can walk and act blindly and will be like a duck with a broken leg spinning in circles. Without vision our impact will be limited. Going from task to task is tiring because each time the ignition needs to get restarted. Vision keeps us continuing to drive forward.
When we look at pro athletes and people with seemingly magical talents we see something special because we can not imagine how they got their talent. Hard work can be seen, but internal drive can not. Internal drive is fueled by vision. Vision is the one thing that transcends talent and hard work.

The big things in life

The question then turns to what do we build our vision from and how do we get vision. The important part for you to remember for yourself and the people you interact with is that your vision is unique to you; nobody sees the world like you see the world. This means you have a unique impact and purpose on this earth. I like to think of this in the frame of a story. This is why I use the phrase restoring my vision.
Vision is a journey and is being shaped and formed by each experience. The restoring aspect is the process or the silent step of faith into the unknown.
I would like to be able to give you a particular outline with a step by step method of how to get your vision back to the clear 20/20. I can tell you what goes into vision, but that is as close as I can get because the restoring of vision is a journey and an active pursuit. There are particular experiences that will come and people will go; change is inevitable, which is why vision is intersectional.

Values

You have your values and this shows how you walk. Not the particular stride, but the wake that comes from the path you have blazed. Your values guide you, but your values are also guided by your beliefs. Sometimes people confuse beliefs and values. We have to value what we believe to let it be something that impacts us and a value comes from a personal experience. This personal experience can be a momentary situation or it could be a past memory on repeat. Values can change and develop but are defined by what we believe to be true about our reality.

Identity

You are what you eat, well not really, but you are what you think you are. This intersects with what you believe, but is different than a value. Identity is the inner workings of you coming out. Some refer to identity as a sense of worth, your inner foundation, the rock on which you build your life on, or for our purposes who you see yourself as. Many different positive and negative things can be our identity and it can be slippery or it can be stable. Who we are can always be changed and developed because there is a rhetorical question that life begs of us and that is who are you becoming. Identity is the answering of this question

Desires

Desires and wants have a bad reputation. This is something I think should be restored and can be restored. If we always view desires and wants as negative things or something that needs to be controlled then we will just come to fear our inclinations. this can turn to a deep rabbit hole, which I have found so many people stuck in. it is so hard to get out and embrace our inclinations. Yes there are bad motives and selfish desires, but what about the opposite side. You have desire for joy to serve, to understand, to be in community, to be with others and to give yourself. Often times these motives are misunderstood by others and they are misunderstood by ourselves. This is definitely a cultural and structural pressure that has contributed to this ignorance of a vital aspect of your humanity. It is an essential part of vision because it is the collision of knowing who you are and being able to voice it. If we can not be comfortable saying what we desire and want then how are we going to be comfortable dreaming and pursuing an ambition? Yes, again this gets back to what you believe about yourself and if you feel you are worthy enough to dream. If we can not get excited about a desire or ambition then how are we supposed to move forward?

Drive

Drive is that internal aspect that people do not see and is only recognized by those who see the daily dedication of faithful hard work. The internal drive is often referred to as a flame. This flame can be low and it can be blazing. The people with the blazing internal drive have been able to make sense of life in a seemingly unique way. I believe this unique way is available to anyone. The internal drive is found from matching your purpose, which is all the previous things that have happened in your life, with your identity. When your identity falls align with your purpose it is like a rush of air for a fire. This is what people call passion, full of life, exuberant and full of abundance. We often refer to these people as the glass half full people, but in actuality there glass is full and over flowing. This is why they are able to develop their skills the way they do, live with so much vitality, and love each person as if they are the last person on earth.

This post has been quite long, but vision needed to be explained so that we can see how to see. Each one of these aspects can have an entire book written about them and can be expounded upon in many coaching lessons. The important part to remember is that they are intersectional. As your virtual vision coach I want to be with you in this journey of discovery. I will be with you as you are discovering what it is like to have clearer vision.
In the comments share which one is the hardest for you or the one that is the greatest struggle, but also if you had this 20/20 vision what would you do with it, what would be your big vision?
Tell me how you are restoring your vision

the importance of reaction and time in your reaction time

what’s your reaction time like?

in drag racing it is all about your reaction time and how you get off the start line, so it is essential to know how you are going to react when you see the light go green. most of the time you have to be prepared to go before the light goes green because it happens so quickly. well I was able to experience this for the first time this weekend because my dad and I attended a drag racing event that allowed us to race our car with passengers, which is unheard of. our reaction time got tested later in the day on the way home when our hood came flying up and ripped off the hinge because the pins that hold the hood down were not in.
after the incident happened with our hood I was reflecting on how important reaction and timing is when facing troubling circumstances or trauma. I am not saying the hood popping up and dislodging from its hinges was traumatic but it was something that we were not ready for and it was startling. If we reacted in an irrational way then we would have done something that would have been much more dangerous. When something happens to us that startles us we need to know how we are going to react. We can not know every circumstance in our life but we can know our selves. How do you handle stresses or something that pops up all of a sudden and catches you off guard. Often our response can be worry, anger, denial, frustration, or even fear. if we know why we react the way we do then we would have a better idea what our reaction might be.
the reaction time is a process. Just like in drag racing there are multiple steps that take place before the most important part of the race is over with. You do not just go up to the light and hit the pedal when the light goes green. There is preparation that needs to happen before hand, then there is patience, and things to test, and then having the right time with the pedal and light and it still is not over after that. Well it is pretty similar to the things that catch us off guard and scare us or hurt us. We need time to process. There are things we have to go through to make sure we take care of the upsetting event, so that we do not crash and burn.
The reaction time is not just the short time after the big event happens. Your reaction opens up the depth of how the event has impacted you. signs of unhealthy reactions would be if you just blow off the event as if nothing happen or the devastation of the hurt goes on for a long period of time. When we burn ourselves we react really quickly but the pain from a bad burn last for a long time and we have to constantly keep nurturing the wound. Well the same thing happens when something surprising happens, like a hood flying off a car. Slow down pull over assess the situation and see what you need to continue on to reach your goal. There will be damage and battle scars, but once things are assessed and you are able to get rolling again then you process what happen and figure out the things that upset you or the things that you are grateful for. In our case we were happy the hood was fiberglass and we were able to put it back on and carefully drive it back home and talk about the damage that was done.
Here are some steps from my reflection:
1 take time to know and understand how you are going to react . it starts with knowing and understanding yourself, so that you are prepared
2 be gentle when something startling happens
3 stop, take some time to assess the situation
4 check in with your goals and see what you can do with what you have to start working towards that goal
5 fix what you can, but don’t do an overhaul.
6take some time to process find the positives and negatives
7 reassess the damage at a later time

The battle scars and shock are not gone after the dust settles. A startling event will have left reverberating damage, we will have to be honest with ourselves in the how and why we reacted the way we did. once we see the why the when, how and what do not seem as intimidating or scary. Reaction times vary person to person and situation to situation, but one thing is clear that the more time you put into understanding the reaction time the better the race will go. This does not mean there will be no pain or hurt but means the damage will not be as catastrophic. The Cuda(the car my dad and I built) sustained only minor damage to the paint and the hood will have to be repaired. It will take work to get back to where it was before but it opens the Dorr to learn many more lessons.

a theif on the cross: restoring my vision of grace

There is a student that knows she has a test coming up and she is a good student and a hard worker so she studies ahead of time. She is prepared and goes to class the day of the test and she walks in a the other students in the classroom are doing some last minute cramming before the teacher comes in. the teacher comes in and says I hope all of you are ready because we have a test today that will determine whether you pass or fail the class, I hope you are all prepared. The professor instructs the class to not turn over the test until after all of the test are passed out so it is fair to everyone. After a few minutes he passes all of them out and while this is happening the girl is very confident that she is going to do well because she was a dedicated hard worker that was diligent with her work, so she is expecting to do well on the test. When everybody received the test the professor told the class to flip over the test and on the bottom of the test the girl read “ all the answers are filled in correctly for you, you have received 100 percent on the test, and all the work you have done is good in my eyes” all the students had the same thing written on the bottom of their test and they all looked up at the professor with astonishment and the professor said to them “ your professor has already done the work for you, there is no extra credit needed, no answer that is going to be more correct than the ones that are already on your answer sheet and no matter the amount of work you have done you will all have the same grade” the students were overfilled with joy
This past weekend this story was told to me and really helped restore my vision of grace. I come from a background where the word grace is not commonly used and is hardly lived out. You can imagine coming to understand grace may take a bit of time for me. I think I had sort of a break through this weekend if that is even possible with grace, but it was really helpful in clarifying what love is. Grace is one of those things that I think we will never fully know and experience. We may say we have experienced it or that we know what it is, but I question if we can say those things in their full capacity.
I have another story it is about 3 people being put to death for something they did. depending on what side you are on you would argue that some were innocent or guilty. All of them were revolutionaries in their own regard and as they were all there awaiting their death two of the persecuted convicts said something to the other convicted person. They each said something different. Person 1 had mocked person 3 because he thought he had enough power and strength to get himself free and out of the dire situation and person 2 said to person 3 remember me. 1 was mocking and 2 was pleading for help. person 3 had said to person 2 you will be remembered and because of the plead person 2 was accepted for eternity. If you could not tell already this is the story of Jesus on the cross. I do not want the focus to be on Jesus, though.
The other two people being put to death had two different responses in their last words, in the place where they could do no more in their life or try any harder to face their fate after their time on earth. each of them knowing this and from what is known they understood who Jesus was, but yet both of their responses were different. When a sacrifice was made for the sake of restoration one person was ignored and the other was brought into paradise. This man was convicted of a crime and in the last hours of his life he was accepted into eternal life. some may say he got the easy way, but I say he received grace.
This grace that is given when it is not deserved is what I hope my vision can be restored to someday. If I am honest I do not see grace fully in that way yet. This grace shows me that I am fully justified and thought about. All the prayer rituals and bible studies are just add one’s in know the restorer in a deeper way. Just like the girl that studied for the test, she had received the same grade that the students had received that were studying for the test right before class. For her benefit she had a greater knowledge of each component that the teacher was going to test her on that allowed her to see into the core of the teacher’s purpose. Just like the students that did not study or the man being put to death next to Jesus we need to recognize that we do not deserve what was done for us and even when we are staring death in its face we can call out for help and ask to be remembered. You have the choice to accept or deny the restorer. Seeing grace from the vantage point of these two stories has really helped my comprehension of grace and refocused my vision on returning to my heart to its original state.
When you are faced with the test what are you going to do?

Can i be real? Ya be real, be real real

We are taught as little kids that hide and seek is a great game to play as a pass time, but what I have realized is that we have internalized  that game with who we are. we hide ourselves behind facets that detour the direct resemblance of our heart. we always hear about drugs and alcohol  and even adultery as the go to things to describe this illusive behavior. in the beginning these things may be used in a manner to try to find out who we are. we hide behind many things  in our pursuit to find out who we are. our societal and cultural norms have promoted us to hide in fashion, body image, career, luxury and many other things. for me it was my relationship status, acceptance by peers and maintaining my work levels  to a standard that was made by others. this may not be too different from any other twenty something year old that is going through college, but that is just it. People see it as a small issue and it is not. when real authenticity of who we are is what we have wanted all along but we are not getting what we want and I will even argue need.

So how do we find real authenticity, well that has to come from relational experience, but first you have to be real with somebody else. As Cali Swag says in teach me how to dougie “you do you and imma do me,” so the question is left how are you going to do you. the real you the authentic you. for me I am writing this in hindsight so I can see what has helped me to see what had helped me worked towards being real and authentic. 

1.  See your heart 

Our hearts are deceitful  and misleading and knowing that about your own personal heart allows you to look at each particular situation from a place that requires you to look at your intentions  and motives.

2. Having others around that see you for you 

As I was sorting through this  self-emergence I had a dear friend ask me important questions and challenging characteristics of my identity. sometimes it takes another person to realize who you truly are and they can help the process. relationships with other humans, and maybe some times dogs, can be a mirror that reflects back to us who we are and give us helpful insight

 3. Attacking the lies

Finding objective truth is something hard to take on in this post, so I’ll save that one for a different time but there are lies that we believe that are not true. these lies trick us into believing that we are not worthy or that we are not valued so we try to make ourselves worth something. by creating  that illusion of worthiness we create a mask that we hide behind and make that search for authenticity that much harder. It is much easier to be real when you know what is true about yourself.

4. View through the lens of brokenness

We as humans have a tendency to not look at our faults or downfalls which leads to the mindset that we are good and we start to believe that we are inherently good. in acknowledging our brokenness we are able to take the position of humility and see that our hearts are not as good as we think they are, but it starts with seeing ourselves as broken. 

Being real and authentic is tough and is hard to do. I do not claim to know everything about it but I am here to share my experience as I continue to grow deeper in my authenticity. one thing that I do notice when I come into contact with authentic folks is that it seems they know something about themselves. I am not talking about that they are a good student or that they have memorized every lyric off the Beatles sergeant pepper album, but that they know they are loved. it’s not that I ask them if they know they are loved, but I can sense it in how free they are. They know what is true about themselves and they do not need to seek anymore. They know they are found.so I’ll  leave you with a question what is holding you back from being authentic?

Remember: “be real, be real real”( unknown)